the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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