Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
two words...techno handjob
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
