I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
