i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
