Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
