I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
