He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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