You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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