I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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