i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
