Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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