I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
