Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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