Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
