so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My vagina is officially offended.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
