The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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