I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
