is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
