I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
