11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
