i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
