I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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