You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
