I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
