I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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