i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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