If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
