another moral hangover. fuck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
