I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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