Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
