The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
