when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
