I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
