just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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