the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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