I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
