it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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