jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
