Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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