I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
