They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
