So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
