I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
