Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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