new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
