you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
