just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
