I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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