I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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