All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
