you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
