She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
