Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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